There is so much to talk about after The Table this month, but there is one quote that stood out to me the most:
“If the God of the universe, the one who created every detailed part of you, says you are good and you say or believe anything different than that…one of you is wrong.” – Leanne Vaughan
Are we sinful people living in a very broken world? Absolutely, yes.
Did Jesus step down into our mess to be with us and reconcile our sinfulness back to it’s original goodness? Absolutely, yes.
Does the Holy Spirit work in us in every moment for the rest of our earthly lives to heal, restore, and redeem every single broken part of us? Absolutely, yes.
Do we believe that is true, really?
Do we live like it is true?
For a long time (way too many years), I would have said I believed that was true – and I did believe it…in my head. I could tell you about it, teach on it, even believe it for you. But, my heart was living a different story.
My heart said:
I am too broken.
God just tolerates me.
God is disappointed in me.
I’ll never be good enough, smart enough, ‘spiritual’ enough.
I am alone and unseen.
My voice doesn’t matter, my presence doesn’t matter.
I felt that I had to work really hard to try and earn approval, as if God accidently lowered the bar and let me stumble into ministry.
Fake it til you make it. But you’re not going to make it … so just keep faking it.
And the list goes on…
I was so wrong.
What I didn’t realize was that my heart was so full of lies that they didn’t leave any room for truth. What I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t believing God.
I wasn’t believing God was good.
I wasn’t believing God could be trusted.
I was believing a pack of lies and I didn’t even know it.
But, I did know something was very wrong.
Out of desperation, I pulled together more courage than I have ever had in my entire life and I stepped into a counselor’s office. I found myself sitting in a chair across from a complete stranger and saying “I feel like I have all these broken pieces and I want to be able to surrender them to Jesus so they can be healed, but I don’t even know what they are.”
And that started an inward journey discovering parts of myself that were definitely broken and in need of healing, parts of myself that were deeply hidden and protective from past hurts, parts of myself that worked really hard to figure things out and keep up appearances on the outside, parts of myself that were filled with anger and frustration and I wished would just go away, but all of those parts needed my curiosity and compassion to get to the roots.
I prayed and journaled and read and listened and asked God to take me to places in the corners of my heart and mind that I have avoided, places from my past that needed healing, and places I didn’t even know existed. And He was so faithful to answer every part of that prayer.
I discovered that when lies are removed and replaced with truth, room is created for the Holy Spirit to work and when the core of who I am is being led by the Holy Spirit – all of the “parts of me” can relax and not take over…because they don’t have to work so hard, they don’t have to hide things, they don’t have to fake it, they don’t have to prove anything or protect. They can rest, and follow the Holy Spirit’s leading, and display His fruit like they were originally intended.
I discovered parts of myself that are playful and fun, parts of myself that are gifted and confident, parts of myself that are driven and have dreams and goals and purpose and calling beyond what I ever could have imagined.
Most importantly, I discovered God is good, God is safe, and God can be trusted. I didn’t just know it in my head, but God was patient and loving and kind and drew near and spoke His truth to me until I wholeheartedly believed it in my heart, soul, and all of my being.
Am I still a work in progress? Absolutely, yes!
We all are, until we are with Jesus for eternity.
There’s no escaping the brokenness of this world.
But we can choose to believe the truth, do the work to bring our broken pieces to Jesus, and help others to do the same. We have a race to run – good works to do – a purpose and calling to fulfill – a hurting world who needs us – and we don’t have time to waste.
So, if after The Table this month you feel like you have the characters from the movie Inside Out running around in your head – you are not alone! If you need help navigating, please reach out to me or someone on our team or staff. We would love to pray with you and join you on this journey.
Our guest speaker, Leanne, can be reached Leanne@shelteringoakscounseling.com.
There are also some other great recommendations available at northpointeFL.org/counseling.
We’re in this together, friends!
– Kylie McCracken
Women’s Ministry Director
Our team would love to know how we can pray for you and with you! Send a request on your myNPC App, go to northpointeFL.org/prayer or leave a comment below.